Les Miserables - Master Of The House

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[Thenardier]Welcome M'sieur,
Sit yourself down,

And meet the best
Innkeeper in town.

As for the rest,
All of 'em crooks,

Rooking their guests,
And cooking the books.

Seldom do you see,
Honest men like me,

A gent of good intent,
Who's content to be,

Master of the house,
Doling out the charm,

Ready with a handshake,
And an open palm,

Tells a saucy tale,
Makes a little stir,
Customers appreciate a bonviveur.

Glad to do a friend a favour,
Doesn't cost me to be nice,

But nothing gets you nothing,
Everything has got a little price!

Master of the house,
Keeper of the zoo,

Ready to relieve 'em
Of a sou or two.

Watering the wine,
Making up the weight,

Pickin' up their knickknacks,
When they can't see straight.

Everybody loves a landlord,
Everybody's bosom friend,

I do whatever pleases. Jesus!
Won't I bleed 'em in the end!

Master of the house,
Quick to catch yer eye,

Never wants a passerby
To pass him by.

Servant to the poor,
Butler to the great,

Comforter, philosopher,
And life-long mate!

Everybody's boon companion,
Everybody's chaperone,

But lock up your valises. Jesus!
Won't I skin you to the bone!

Enter M'sieur,
Lay down your load,

Unlace your boots,
And rest from the road.

This weighs a ton,
Travel's a curse,

But here we strive,
To lighten your purse.

Here the goose is cooked,
Here the fat is fried,

And nothing's overlooked,
Till I'm satisfied...

Food beyond compare,
Food beyond belief,

Mix it in a mincer,
And pretend it's beef,

Kidney of a horse,
Liver of a cat,

Filling up the sausages
With this and that.

Residents are more than welcome,
Bridal suite is occupied,

Reasonable charges,
Plus some little extras on the side!

Charge 'em for the lice,
Extra for the mice,

Two percent for looking
In the mirror twice.

Here a little slice,
There a little cut,

Three percent for sleeping
With the window shut.

When it comes to fixing prices,
There are a lot of tricks he knows..

How it all increases,
All those bits and pieces,
Jesus! It's amazing how it grows!

Master of the house,
Quick to catch yer eye,

Never wants a passerby
To pass him by.

Servant to the poor,
Butler to the great,

Comforter, philosopher,
And life-long mate!

Everybody's boon companion,
Gives 'em everything he's got,

Dirty bunch of geezers. Jesus!
What a sorry little lot!

[Mme Thenardier]I used to dream
That I would meet a prince,

But God Almighty,
Have you seen what's happened since?

"Master of the house?"
Isn't worth me spit!

"Comforter, philosopher"
and life-long shit!

Cunning little brain,
Regular Voltaire,

Thinks he's quite a lover,
But there's not much there!

What a cruel trick of nature,
Landed me with such a louse,

God knows how I've lasted,
Living with this bastard in the house!

Master of the house!
Master and a half!

Comforter, philosopher,
Ah, don't make me laugh!

Servant to the poor,
Butler to the great,
Hypocrite and toady and inebriate!

Everybody bless the landlord!
Everybody bless his spouse!

Everybody raise a glass,
Raise it up the master's arse!

Everybody raise a glass to the
Master of the house!